Life can be scary

When I was a kid I thought my life was bad. I lived on a nonprofit animal rescue which was a lot of work. Seriously, from the time I woke up every morning til I went to bed it was feeding and watering horses, pigs, goats, dogs, cats, sheep, rabbits, chickens, ducks, geese, and even peacocks and more exotic animals. When the regular chores were done there were always fences to mend, stalls to clean, sick or wounded animals to care for, and baby animals, without moms, to nurse.  My parents were Jehovah's Witnesses so I wasn't allowed to date or do anything with guys that was not supervised by an adult. I felt like I was living in a prison and I wanted out so badly. So just before my 17th birthday I ran away from my family and home in red lion Pennsylvania to a big old farm house in Manchester Maryland with a guy I thought was my whole world and would never let me down. Needless to say he did let me down about a year later and I finally started to learn how easy my life was when I was a kid. My first real scare in life came when I was 18 and learned I was pregnant. I had a beautiful baby boy about 3 weeks before I turned 19. I did the best I could as a single mom but was very happy when Joe asked me to marry him and then he adopted my son shortly after our daughter was born. We owned a house. Joe had a good job which allowed me to be a stay at home mom and I started college. Then Joe got laid off. My next big scare in life. We were faced with the possibility of losing our house. Thankfully a few months later Joe got a job as a police officer in DC but that meant we had to move 180 miles away from our family and friends to northern VA. This move was not only scarey but depressing. I knew no one here and it was hard to make new friends since we only had one car and Joe used it to commute to work each day. It took a lot of time but we all adjusted and eventually I made some wonderful friends. Last summer I graduated with a degree in psychology. But in that year Joe and I lost 3 of our grandparents. The current scares in my life include my brother's trial coming up and excepting that he may be going to prison for a while and I'm about to start grad school. Change is always hard but I am lucky to have my family. My beautiful, healthy children make every day worth getting up for. My husband is a rock. He works for us, loves us, and puts his own needs aside to support us. So yes, life is scarey and we never know what's coming next, but its also beautiful and the happy moments make the scarey ones so worth it. Just keep swimming......

Beach fun!

It is amazing how fast children grow up and change. It is the most important thing to take time out of your busy lives and enjoy them. My children are now 5 and 8. We went to the beach this past week as part of our very busy summer of camping, visiting family, going to the river, riding rides at amusement parks, and all while working hard not to let them lose all the knowledge they gained in school last year. We stayed a an amazingly large beach house with my mother and father-in-laws, 5 of my sister-in-laws, 2 of my brother-in-laws, my nephew, and my baby niece. It was a full house with a lot of excitement and fun. The best part was getting to sit on the sand and spend hours watching my children enjoy their aunts, uncles, and cousins and all the fun that the water and sand have to offer. We played ball, floated on the water, built sand castles, and laid on the sand relaxing. The kids enjoyed a dauphin cruise and we had a delicious crab feast! We spend a day on the board walk, buying cages for the hermit crabs their grandmother bought them, eating yummy boardwalk foods, and riding rides at funland. The vacation was a HUGE success. It was not very long but it was long enough to really appreciate what a wonderful family we have and what beautiful smiles my children have. I look forward to the next family beach vacation!

Today

Today Joe got me a new wedding band. The most beautiful thing I ever saw.

Today Joe bought me new luggage for the trip I am going on in 10 days.

Today Joe took me out to breakfast.

Today James told me I am the best mom in the world.

Today Allyson colored a picture and stayed in all the lines, then she told me that she did it for me!

Today my husband smiled at me and told me I was glowing.

Today so many wonderful things happened but the most important thing that happened was that I fell more in love with my family. Every time I think it is impossible to love them more, they prove me wrong. It is not because he spoils me, but because he loves doing it. It is not because they are special, but because they are mine. My husband loves me with his whole heart. I love him with mine. My children give me a reason to wake up every morning. I love watching them grow up. How did I get so lucky? What did I do to deserve this amazing life.

In 10 days I am going to Cancun, Mexico with a very good friend of mine. My husband is paying for me to leave the country without him or the kids. He is letting me take a vacation when he is the one who has been doing all the work.

In 10 days my mom is taking my children so I can take this trip. She is watching them and my overly hyper dog so I can take a vacation that I do not deserve. If anyone needs a vacation it is her.

All day I have felt spoiled, loved, and happy. But all day I have also felt guilty. How can I give back to them? How can I repay my family for the love that they show me in everything they do? How can I possibly ever repay my husband for being faithful, caring, supporting, and generous? How can I repay my children for all the smiles they bring to me? No matter what I do, they will always be better people than I am. But for as long as I live, I will do everything in my power to make them feel safe, loved, and cherished.

Nam-mom

My grandmother was taken to the hospital a couple of days ago. She was not conscious and she had a seizure. My whole family started to gather to say their goodbyes because no one thought she could pull through. Somehow she did pull through. She made it but I don't know how much longer she has. The sad part is that she has dementia. When she went to the hospital the other day, she could not remember who she was or anyone else. It is getting worse for her and I hope when she does leave this world, she does not go scared and alone in her mind.

I was driving Allyson home from school yesterday when she asked me who it was that was sick that I went to visit. I told her my nammom. She thought about it for a minute and then asked "Is she ready to die now?" I told her I did not think so. I realized that my 4 year old has it all figured out. My nammom wont leave until she is good and ready. She is a strong woman and she loves her family. When she is done she will be ready and she will leave peacefully. Even if she does not know the people in the room with her, I am sure that she will feel the love and remember that someone out there will miss her and love her forever.

Good Bye Friend

It has been a long time since I have writen about life. Today I lost my best friend. No not literally, but she might as well be lost. She moved 6 and 1/2 hours away. I am happy for her because I know she needs a fresh start, we all do sometimes, but I am really going to miss her. My kids will miss her and her kids. The neighborhood wont be the same without her. So to Roslyn, You have been an awesome friend. We have shared just about everything from tears, to coffee, to a motel room! LOL You sneezed in my face! haha I will really miss having your shoulder to cry on, your understanding nature to lean on, and all the great times we just acted a fool and had fun. Thanks for making the last few months in VA tolerable. I will think about you everytime I pour a cup of coffee or stand up to bat. Good luck in your life my friend, I wish you and your family all the best in life.

The long move

So my family has gone through some serious changes in the last month. We put our house on the market and moved to VA. It will take some time but we are hoping this is for the best. JJ and Ally love it here. They hate being so far away from their Nana though. We have beautiful woods in our back yard and it is very quiet here. Dante spends most of his time chasing the smaller animals in the woods. I am not adapting as well as I hoped I would. Things here are very different then PA. I don't know anyone and I don't have a car to go anywhere. I did this for my kids though and as long as they are happy we will stay. JJ is doing awesome in his new school and he has made a ton of friends in our community. Ally loves being able to play outside without having to worry about staying on the sidewalk. I like not having to worry about the busy road that was in front of our old house. Anyway I thought I would give an update because I have been too busy to write for a while.

The funny things kids say, Take one

Ally - Mommy I want my cup
Me- What?
Ally- I want my cup
Me- what do you say?
Ally-(getting louder) I want my cup!
Me- Well what do you say?
Ally- (moving closer and getting louder as if I can't hear her) I-Want-My-Cup!
Me- Manners?
Ally- Oh yeah....manners!(She turns and runs back to the pool)
Me- (Standing in the doorway, shocked and not sure whether to call her back and make her say please or to laugh at the fact that she believes "manners" is the magic word.) Well that's kids for ya!